A Mother’s Work is Never…..

I had the distinct pleasure of announcing my company’s inclusion on the Top 100 Best Companies for Working Mother’s and Dads earlier this month. This recognition makes me incredibly proud and demonstrates the impact being progressive in how you think about the needs of people have evolved. We have came a long way over the past decade in creating fluidity between our lives.

But let’s cut to the chase. Being a parent and working either in or outside the home is hard. We have experienced tremendous growth as organizations build greater flexibility and support for working parents but we still put too much pressure on ourselves. Just take a minute and recall that dreaded first day back from Maternity Leave. Which when I had my first daughter was a mere six (6) weeks. Seriously? Saying it out loud makes me cringe to this day. As you can appreciate, I spent the majority of the day in tears hoping my precious baby was getting lots of love and not forgetting who I was.

I had many friends who were pregnant around the time I was and they were choosing to stay at home and not go back to work. I couldn’t even fathom not working both because we relied on my income but also because I was convinced I would be a terrible stay at home mom. I loved working and didn’t want to give that up. Even if it meant enduring unnecessary scrutiny from others who didn’t agree with my decision. I worried constantly and put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect new mom with the perfect baby girl.

The months and years that followed were filled with me trying to live up to this ideal image of the perfect mom. Making sure I had all the latest gadgets, having her dressed in the cutest outfits, squeezing in time for the park, etc. You get the picture. Fast forward a few years and our family expanded with the birth of Kaeli and then Kendyl. By the time they arrived things had started to evolve. I was able to spend 12 weeks at home with each of them. I had experience doing this mom thing so the time I was home was spent differently than with Kaitlin. I slept when they slept. I didn’t pressure myself to continue breastfeeding when it wasn’t working. I tried to lighten up my expectations of me and what it meant to be a good mom.

What’s ironic is that while organizations have evolved their Parental Leave programs to make it easier for working parents, we haven’t evolved our expectations of ourselves. I still feel this insane need to have all my $&!% together. To be the quintessential working mother who does it all. The person who has the perfect Instragram pics, a clean house, kids in lots of activities, time for date night, you name it. Well guess what folks….I don’t have my $&!% together at all. I am a hot mess at times.

As I sit here and write this blog I am alone in a hotel room in Cincinnati. I was traveling all week for work, came home for 16 hours and left again. Granted, I am with Kaeli and getting to watch her play soccer I am still away from the rest of my family. A few years ago I would have felt bad and guilted myself into thinking I am not living up to the expectations of being an exceptional mom. Tonight, I am thankful for some quiet time to write, think and be creative. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my family unconditionally. Just means I also love my alone time and have stopped trying to live up to this ideal I had set for myself somewhere along the way.

However, I still fall down. A lot! I came home from an incredible week of work in Vegas last night and the first thing I did when I walked in the door was identify a few things out of place. I was snarky about things that didn’t matter. Like we were having a dinner party or something. Seriously? What was I thinking? I had a week to do what I LOVE at work and this was my chance to do what I love at home. Simply be a mom and wife and love my family.

So here is my advice to you and to me. STOP IT!! I mean it. Just stop. Stop creating ideals you will either never live up to or that will cause you to miss out on important parts of your life. Believe me, I am not perfect. I have my own issues I am working through. But I am trying to give myself grace. Now let me be clear. I am not lowering my ideals or expectations. I am simply saying it’s ok not to be the perfect mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend and colleague all the time. I don’t have it all together and my life is a hot mess some days. And that’s the way I like it.

Oh, and one last thing. I don’t care if you have it all together. If your family is Insta worthy that’s awesome. Mine is too. We may just be missing a kid, the background may be fuzzy and someone will ultimately be pissed about having a pic taken. But it’s my world and I love it. Now go give yourself grace to love yours too. Mess and all.

Mama Llama a.ka. Lisa